Ten things I love about Kemcolians:
by Sidrah Latif (4th Year)
1. Amazing sense of direction: When standing infront of Ghari ward they ask “Baji where is medicine ward!” When infront of Pathology they demand where is pathology lab. When infront of Facility area they demand to know where can they get a printing facility. And most importantly they are confused which one is the zero point and which one its anti. Such sweet, loveable simplicity, like that of an old-age Hippo trying to remember what it used to be a part of Shakespearean tango.
2. Risqué sense of humor: Since Kemcolians take pride in being Kemcolians, somehow they need to communicate it to the outer world that they are the protagonist of the show, crème-de-la-crème of the nation. And what method they choose it to flaunt? Of all the possibilities, ribald sense of humor. Infact I want to open up thesaurus right now to draft up a whole list of vocabulary to give them a topon ki salami! So here goes… Lascivious, licentious, prurient, indecorous, smutty, salacious. Need I say more? *straightens the collar totally smitten with her high intellect*
3. Steel will and iron determination: Kemcolians are steel-willed and determined like an iron rod! They got their preliminary schooling at Ittefaq Foundary. If they will, teacher can teach them, if they won’t, teacher can not. One dictum that is prevalent without question!
4. Stand their ground against pigeons: since times immemorial, Pigeons and Kemcolians have co-existed, albeit with mutual animosity that is reciprocated equally on either sides, for years and years. Neither of them is about to give up. In advancement of their struggle against pigeons, kemcolians introduce their own “Pigeony theory of equal effectual representation”. Now they are found littering the campus with their own litter as much the pigeon is utilizing its poop. Way to go buddies, woo-hoo!
5. Are absurdly rose-eyed: when on campus the dialogues are like:
“yaaar kidhar phans gae hain!”
“hey yar have you heard the package at BNU and LUMS? It comes with girls with skinny jeans and T-SHIRTS! Not long frocks!”
“I wish I were in one of *those* institutions.”
When at home:
“O baita I hear you are in KE now” (Amma’s colleague)
“Yes I am”
“I heard KE’s standard really low now. Why did you go there?”
Moral of the story, no one messes around with our KE except we :D
6. Have GIT like dinosaurs: “Lakkar-hazam, Pathar-hazam”! Heard about it anyone? Who can eat a bun-makhan-shami of Al-karim daily, top it with main course of vegetable patties, gulp it all down with lemonade and then take a gola for dessert. Kemcolians are the line of evolution who have retained the GIT from dino ancestors. Lakkar-hazam, Pathar-hazam!
7. Have megaphones for larynx: No matter how hard it is tried to discern, but the structure of Kemcolians’ voice box is yet a myth. Research has been done on khotay ka Larynx and structural homologies have been found between the two larynxes, but yet some structures are even not possessed by khotas’, but Kemcolians’ do have! Physicist have now been called in on the pretext that megaphones may have something to do with their unnaturally loud voices. Research continues, and is a point of active dissention.
8. Sense of Humor, aaalaa! Yes Kemcolians laugh, and a mighty laugh that is. The statement has been issued by me in order to apprise any non-kemcolian reading this, for we know about ourselves quite too much! Imagine this scenario: “A professor who is a DR. JEKYLL in the class but becomes MR. HYDE in the viva is telling an anecdote he loves to recollect in every session that passes. Just as he is about to throw his punch line expecting tumultuous cheers, someone from the class will take the words out of his mouth, give them their own idea of humorous and throw it to the humor-starved-vultures of the class. Voila! Tumultuous square cheers are received!”
Not worrying about the utterly high risk predicament they are putting themselves in, they show their phenomenal and spectacular sense of humor. They are not afraid of it, and I absolutely love that about them.
9. Speed, agility, said again SPEED! Ever seen a kemcolian scribbling away in an exam? Think that is the ultimate rendition of their speed and agility, then sweetness you have seen nothing! See them when typing utterly stupid comments on friends’ status updates and photos. The speed has been purportedly reported to exceed 150 WPM! Woo-hoo!
10. Rumorification: Kemcolians love to talk and spread and talk and spread, and no where in the procedure comes the point of confirmation. Heard that a mouse has a baby kitten, immediately text it to the entire class. There is a walnut shaped, mushy thing lying inside your cranium, heck ever used that? Who cares!
And ten things that I hate (as if my hating will create any difference to the perpetrators of these grievous crimes but let me shoot away. Something about speaking in the face of adversary, I am *sniff* so brave! *Bawls*)