BEHOLD...LA KEMU !! Orientation Guide for freshmen (2015-2020)

By Aimen Saeed ( 2nd year, "suffering the Prof mode")

Hey juniors!! First of all my heartiest congratulations to all of you…....
You made it to the list of "chosen one"
*jump in excitement*

So welcome to “The den of kings and queens”
The crem de la crem…
....... the best of the bests………..
You are going to live your dream and trust me your life is going to change... so take a second and enjoy this proud moment :)

BUT pehlay, let me say this...
I ain’t kidding ….. you are going to experience the best of the best moments of your life here!
Its gonna be like a new life , I won’t say an easy peasy one, but not a bad one either.
You’ll meet new friends, new teachers, new routine, hostel life k shashkay , and oooh oooh the Cadavers. And the biggest of all is this feeling,
 The feeling of being ON TOP OF THE WORLD;

Being a KEMCOLIAN !!

Life is like a rollercoaster…. A bit bumpy but not a torment…..

Charm of being "DocTers", the so called happiness, events(not to forget) sometimes troubles, allot of tests, back breaking substages, practicals, and with all this scooped up in our lives, the cherry on the top is *FRIENDS* 

So here it goes…. few tips and stuff for your first days at K.E…………

Firstly, let me just say this….Living away from home can be difficult especially if you are a kind of “mummy-daddy bacha” … so kiddo “apna jigra thora sa bara kr k ana”….

 It will be hard at first, the awkward rooms, strangers as your roommates, homesickness in the air, depression, crying all over the hostel corridors.....
first few days..."i'm in hell"

but trust me with the passage of time negativity will disappear and you and your roommates will become a family……
LATER: Where were we the rest of our lives!! 

Enough gossiping and let me begin the exciting tour of KEMLIFE !!

Yup, you heard me right.There’s going to be a drastic increase in your vocabulary. Nahan don’t worry. I ain’t talking about the "MCAT vocabulary"……… rather this vocabulary will be a lot fun,,, you’ll get to learn new “kewl” words like

THEETA(which means a book worm),

KEMCAANA(the computer lab)

PROXY(means to mark attendance of your friend in his absence),

PROF (this is the professional examination at the end of the year which we are going through currently  )

PICADDILY(this is OUR  coooool canteen, you’ll see for yourself why I put so many ‘Os” in the word cool :p)

 and ooh ooh an awesome skill that you’ll learn from dahi bhalay walay uncle, that is to shout out “ mix salad fruit chaat chana paapri dahi bhalay” in one breath….

2. Respect your seniors
Seniors are going to be like your life-line, helping you out through the tests, marking what’s important and what’s not. They’ll be a source of happiness, a source of anti-depression for you. They’ll tell you their experiences, their stories of bisti-ness and how they were ragged. ;)
 And what lectures you can bunk, in which lecture you can easily mark your proxy and which cafĂ© is perfect for an outing or a birthday surprise….. So guys keep one rule in mind:
“give respect and get respect”

And talking of ragging ….
Well juniors, you will be ragged, definitely you will be ragged despite the VC’s orders, despite the protection provided by Jamaiat, despite the the anti-ragging posters hanging around in the university…. (hahahha the evil laugh) na… just kidding…. We seniors ain’t that evil… sachi….So don’t worry much about it. I’ve seen some freshmen worry to death about it, trust me it’s not a big deal. It’s just a way for seniors to interact with the juniors (unless it’s a friendly interaction). Just be confident, be yourself and wohllah you’ll pass this ragging exam as well. :p

It’s not just the name that makes it attractive………… its shops, lightings, the colours and the variety everything is the source of its attraction.  So yeah our K.E has a unique location in amidst of bazar of anarkali and the neela gumbad…..
You might not like it at first as it makes the location and the KEMU’s surroundings very crowded and filthy and noisy………. But, you’ll understand later on that you can get anything you need from a source only a few feet away from you………. Overalls say lay kr kitaabo tak, even sports week k “theme day” say lay kr casual dresses…. Even the FOOD VALLEY of anarkali is awla place to eat………. :p

Freshmen love to wear their overalls…..the shiny shiny brand new overalls… well of course … it’s your right, you aced MCAT to get to K.E… so wear it people and get the *doctor’s likes feels*
It’s what freshmen do ;)
And yeah you can buy your overalls from anarkali, from shops just in front of the K.E gate only for Rs. 500 even the wrinkle free stuff. You’ll learn the art of bargaining through experience ;). If the shopkeeper doesn’t listen just threat him that you’ll buy it from the next shop and next thing you know you have a sasta good quality not to forget wrinkle free overall!!

The hot question among freshmen is what books to buy because you guys are so very very theetas….
 But trust me, the later you guys know the “book list” the better…
reaction upon learning the long book list....

Anyhow you’ll get the list on your oath day.
And yes you can buy the books from either Zubair bbokstore or Unique bookstore both situated in your very own ANARKALI…….

 For those of you who have been watching shows like Dr. House and Grey’s anatomy, might think how cool surgery and synonymously dissection is gonna be…. Well I didn’t want to burst the myth before time but here goes nothing…. It’s going to be nothing like that, the rotting cadavers will be waiting for you in the dissection hall, the smell of rotting meat and formalin will be so strong that you won’t to be able to get it off of yourself even after several baths, you’ll feel like the smell has gotten into your clothes, from your clothes to your bedsheets, into curtains and then to your rooms and it will feel like the whole wide world smells the same…. (acha ye kch zyada he hogya but  trust me whatever I just said , it’s the experience that’s speaking  kido!) ;)

trying to get rid of  the formalin stench

Moreover, you have your “I-KNOW-MORE-THAN-YOU” kinds of theetas hovering around you telling their own-invented anatomy…..

 and let’s not forget the threats of being debarred, by the Anatomy demos, for not doing the dissection of the allotted bodies especially the “shaer aya share aya” wali feeling whenever the head of the region is around………

Aah… the FAQ by the freshmen, “lectures note krna chahye ya nai” or “ neend boht ati hay during lecture”…
Well juniors you need not worry about whether you note down all the lectures or just sleep through it, truly speaking, it doesn’t matter. You can note them down if you want to or if you feel like it, its not an obligation and don’t take any burden…
And by the way, lectures will seem french in start. you'll get them later so worry less.

And talking of sleep, well during your medical life you’ll find new talents, discover new skills in yourself especially the fact that you can sleep in the noise of 325 kids plus a shouting lecturer in the theater, you can even sleep with your eyes open. And yes even after sleeping for 13-14 hours a day you’ll still feel sleepy…… (I think books fart chloroform)

In start, you’ll feel a sense of competition in the class. You’ll definitely notice the following two things happening:

a. Whenever a teacher will ask any question, you’ll see many intellectual hands being raised to answer that question….

b. you might even see many intellectual hands being raised to ask intensely medical questions from the teacher….

So juniors “ye waqti shokhi hoti hay”, it will wear off with time… so don’t get upset about it or feel inferior that you didn’t answer any of the teacher’s question or you didn’t ask one..... 
after the "waqti shokhi " is over everybody sleepslike:

And yes. you have your “I-KNOW-MORE-THAN-YOU” kinds of theetas hovering around you especially in D.H telling their own-invented anatomy…..
And if you interfere they be like:

So pay heed to them like:

So yeah, theetas are part of existence of this world so ignore them totally because you have to analyze your own selves and NOT compare yourself with anyone else. 
Here you have to compete with your own self. THORA PARHO BESHAK BUT ACHA PARHO.  Search the net or discuss even with seniors. And you’d do great.

 7. The marking of attendance = machli mandi
You might be wondering…. What possibly can be the relationship between a Machli mandi and a lecture theater.
 Well for those who haven’t seen a machli mandi before , behold here KEMU lecture theaters provide a chance to view LIVE telecast of the crowdedness and “dhakam pail” of the machli mandi….
The moment of “machli mandi” occurs mostly at the end of a lecture or at the end of timings of D.H. During the lecture, the attendance sheet is passed calmly and smoothly, but as soon as one realizes that his or her attendance hasn’t been marked, the haphazardness starts… because you see,
 one doesn’t come to a lecture theater for the sake of knowledge,
 one comes to attend the lecture for the sake of completing the 75% attendance,
 for one doesn’t want to attend the repeaters in the scorching weather 
and one does NOT want to feel like this either.....

(P.S the repeaters are more comfortable and relaxing than the original lectures as there are fewer of you fellows and the coolness of one and only awesome air conditioners of the Physio lecture theaters) so where was I… yeah… the machli mandi… so the haphazardness starts , the “dhakay, dhachkay, gutham gutha hona and any other word you think of with the similar meaning can be fit here”…..
And we get this….
Tadaaa the “machli mandi”….

"live" footage of machli mandi...

and its not just girls... boys make it worse!!

8. Become Bisti-proof
You have got to become BISTI-PROOF because there won’t be any pampering or spoon-feeding teachers here. They don’t know which board did u top or how much u scored in MCAT (except the biochemistry teacher Ma’am Tehmina aka Ma’am T.T, with due respect she knows everything… first day of her lecture and she knew certain toppers by their names and even faces,,,, :p ). So if u undergo a phenomenon called “bisti-ness” either alone or in front of the whole class u better enjoy it instead of grieving over it. Share it with your friends. Trust me these then become memories which makes u laugh throughout your life. It becomes your own story to tell to your juniors….
becomes "bisti-proof".. LIKE A BOSS 

Well, if you look at the big picture, whole of it is fun.
But yes Don’t ever miss the KEMU events, The trip,Film festival, sports week, Annual Drama...... and yes you can join as many societies as you can. During your first year you’ll be able to analyze which one suits you.

 And yeah don’t get upset over the society politics it’s really common so do what your heart wants, what you want. Work in societies for your own sake and don’t care about the politics much.
And yes, dont ever miss the symposium...they've got free food ;)

10. There’s No such thing as “bs Fsc karlo agay asaan hay:’
Don’t want to scare you or anything but let me tell you that never take studies “personally”… yup this is the word I’ll use because one thing you should be clear about is that in this field, books and studies are going to be part n parcel of your life. So slowly and steadily you’ll learn everything, you’ll learn that you cannot survive here with books in your hands 24/7 …. MBBS is just a trailer… picture abhi baqi hay juniors (and by that I mean the house job, USMLE or FCPS part) ;)

sitting in lectures and feeling like:

So study lightly, study for  a test if you want to, try passing it and even if you failed, not a big deal, at least you studied for it, you learnt something , so chill….
And yes remember
“It ain’t fatal unless its prof”
So yeah study but don’t forget to live your lives please…. You can study alone but group studies helps a lot. It helps you grasp stuff quicker and also clear out your concepts.  Lectures seem French in the beginning but you’ll be able to understand them gradually.

So folks,that's it for now. Stay tuned for more updates....
And buck up!!

All the best and enjoy.


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