By Hafsa Amin
M.B.B.S. First Year
"How
did I actually manage to get here?" "I don't know a freaking thing
about anatomy." "What am I going to do? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?" "I am so
gonna flunk this!" "If I pass, I will pray two nafal-e-shukrana."
"Actually, make that four." "Pehli substage me fail hogayi tou kitni
bisti hogi??" "Make that six nafail!"
These
are the thoughts that run rampant in your mind before the first
substage. The substage looms ahead wearing the ugliest smile that makes
your heart go faster and coils your intestines into a painful knot.
Everytime you accidentally forget about the substage and actually start
having some fun, something or somebody reminds you by asking, "Kitna
parh lia?" And the smile dies right there on your lips.
The
thoughts about clavicle, axilla and the brachial plexus make their way
to your nightmares and you start doubting everything you've ever
achieved. You actually think once or twice about killing yourself. Or
killing your past self for not paying attention in DH or wasting those
good 3 hours on facebook or instagram. The reading room gets filled up
with people of all kinds: those who came to study, those who came to get
a little motivation to study and then there are those who just came to
convince themselves that they were studying. Turning to seniors for
advice, you ask them what to study so that you just pass and live to
tell the tale.
The last night before the substage finds
all the doomed people studying their butts off in the quiet of their
room or actually censuring themselves to have ended up like that. Sleep
evades you and apprehension becomes your pal. Cursing yourself, you try
to sleep (fitfully) and before long, dawn breaks and you drag yourself
from bed. The greatest stuggle you face is to look well groomed to make a
good first impression and maskeen( enough so that if your viva does go
downhill, you still scrape a pass by putting up a pitiful appearance.
8:00 am
finds the white coats in a frenzy. Some trying to cram at the last
minute and some trying not to lose their chill. If you get done with
your viva in the start, good. If you get stuck till the last minute, you
may or may not have a nervous attack by the end of it. The viva itself
feels trivial compared with all the hype. Five minutes and you're free (
half an hour, if you're really unlucky) and then comes the moment when
you feel like a short-lived celebrity (missing only a mic and
photographers) "Hey, kaisa hua?" "What were the questions like?" " Do
they look like they'll fail us?" "You think you'll pass?" And then it
hits you- IT'S OVER. Whether pass or fail, that feeling is exhilarating
in itself. Anyway, the result comes, and you find yourself whooping with
joy and high-fiving somebody if you pass. And if you fail, well, all
the self-blaming starts again.
Either way, you find
yourself light-hearted. And who can say no to celebrating at Bigmann's
or the ice-cream place just across the street.
In short, you feel like the happiest person in the place. But hey, there's always a next substage!
-Toodles