Simple steps to ace any test:

by konpal mudassar 3rd year

Given below is the complete guide for anybody who wants to pass class tests with flying colors.
Warning: Not suitable for theetas and those who actually want to ace their tests.

      1.    Make a plan:

The first step to preparation of any test is having a plan. And so like any good student, as soon as the test date is announced, you should also start by making a study plan

When you ask your class fellow about the syllabus:

Your probable reaction:

After well- acquainting yourself with the course, if you feel a sudden stabbing pain in your chest then:
“Yes, you are probably having……a heart attack”.
Do not panic, it happens in about 90% of cases. Call an ambulance and you might just survive.

and if some of you start feeling like you can’t breathe any more, it is advisable to take deep breaths or cut out the part of your brain that thinks.

 when you have succeeded in overcoming the panic attack; quickly seek out a source of entertainment if you have long term plans to hold on to your sanity.

     2.    Sticking to the plan:

Start the preparation with burning passion in your heart, at least your passion should be sincere.  In the start, things will look easy. Be warned: It is a trap. Soon, the dozing off and day dreaming starts. And then, of course you will have to face your biggest enemy: the urge to procrastinate.

 Google “Inspirational quotes” for motivation. But they offer little help, if any.

     3.    Giving up:

As the test date comes closer, you will find yourself in a very “uncomfortable” position much like a trapped cricketer who has to score 18 runs in the last over. At this time, it is crucial to keep telling yourself that you can do it! But a time will come when your brain, your heart and every part of your body will just accept: "life is just not worth living". It is now time to slam the book shut and give in to the intense urge to cry.

               4. Denial:

You will watch a movie.  You will clean the room, clean the cupboard, and clean a lot more things. Get a call package, talk to old long lost friends or distant relatives in the spirit of maintaining “good relations”. Go out to eat with friends. And then end the night with a “few” more
movies. Anything to escape the grave reality. Test? What test? What does the word ‘test’ mean?

      5.    Pulling self together:

After denial, comes a guilt fueled bout of motivation. Shame is a very good driving force. Convince yourself that there is still a silver lining very deep, very far away inside the dark clouds. Open the book and start covering the topics with a lightning pace.

      6.    Accidently oversleeping and depression:

Don’t you hate it? Just when you start getting back on track you wake up early the next morning, you open your books and think:
“I will just close my eyes for 5 more minutes”.
And when you open them, the shame less clock tells you its 1pm already.

 With half the day already gone, depression is inevitable.

      7.    Deliberately oversleeping and indifference:

The depression lasts only for some time and is replaced by feelings of indifference. Your motto: Sleep till you can sleep no more in order to exercise your ‘free will’.
So, you spend the whole afternoon sleeping as well and when you do wake up, you pass the rest of the day………….well: simply “sitting” and if your roommate asks you what you are going to
do about the test. Your response:

\And if you are a day scholar, and your parents come into your room like:

Your reaction would be, “I just can’t study”

     8.    Make a brilliant strategy:

Having wasted a lot of time, finally you realize that you need to get your act together. Make a good plan, genius beyond all limits. Start working on the plan. You will feel the irresistible urge to cry when your ‘intelligent plan” threatens to fail you.

When an Emotional breakdown is about to set, tell yourself:
 “Go away mood swings, come back another day, I do not have time to entertain  you.”

9. Praying for miracle and burning the midnight oil:

When you see no other way out, pray. Pray finally with a sincere heart for a miracle to happen with the realization that nothing else can save you.
“Ya Allah , ye test, bs ye test pass kara de!”
 “Me agli bar boht acha parhon ga”

Its time to put that stock of tea, coffee, energy drinks to use. Whatever helps you stay awake and tackle the beastly amount of work you have left to do.

10. Performing well on “the day”:

No matter how good your preparation is, it ultimately comes down to how well you do on test day. If you have faith in your preparation then well and good, ‘fire away, may the odds be forever in your favor”

Otherwise, you will need to establish a system in the exam hall. A system for transfer of information from the knowledgeable to the not-so-knowledgeable i.e. you.  Kill your self-respect and your fear of being caught. 

When your cheating tactics fail you!

Test result:

A week later, when you are going on about happily with your life. Suddenly you will hear the words “result lag gya”. What result? Oh, that test that I somehow managed to prepare for despite all the drama and then you are like:

 You run crazily towards the notice board with your breath stuck in your throat. Your Eyes search for your roll number.

And then you will see it. “Pass” on exact 50. Well, that was close! Looks like all your hard work did pay off. So what if you are dangerously close to the edge. All is well as long as you make it over 50 even if it is just by a mere one mark.!

P.S. If you actually wanted to ace the test. You should have been studying instead of reading this blog.


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